Here are the recommended steps. Read all steps carefully. Let it digest before acting on anything. The order is important. Some of these details will sound paranoid, though if you've had experience with one, you know it's best to take all precaution. Be forewarned - it's a tedious process.
1. Cease to think of or refer to this person as a sociopath/psycopath. Instead think of and refer to the person as a pathetic wretch... pw for short. That is what the person is - someone to be pitied. He/she will prefer to be thought of as dangerous, awful, a psychopath or sociopath because these all sound powerful in a way, but the truth is this person is wretched and pathetic. He or she will not want to be seen this way. Henceforth in this blog, I will refer to the sociopath as pw / the pw I know (pwik) or the pw you know (pwyk). I will also use "it" rather than "he/she".
2. Get in the habit of keeping your keys and phone always on your person (otherwise you could end up repeating these steps.) At night, they should be kept in your bedroom. Forget the hook near the door for your keys. (It would be wise to get a new phone when you plan to start keeping it on your person always.)
3. Depending on what the pw has done to you, you may need to explicitly tell this person you want no further contact. However, don't carry out this step yet. If nothing has been done to you that warrants an explicit severing of the relationship, you may prefer for the pwyk to cut off communications with you. If you've already severed the relationship, skip to 3b. Otherwise, 3a.
3a. Begin by acting wishy washy with pw. Change your mind frequently. Do not give out information regarding your plans - even minor ones, nor your location. Forget what you did and where you went. Refuse to answer, but in a nice way. Be forgetful. Make it difficult for it to keep up with you. You might be able in this manner to figure out if and how it is keeping tabs on you.
3b. If you work with this person, filter the information on your calendar to exclude the pw if possible. For the time being, as best you can, keep your calendar local to your phone.
4. Change your wifi pwd. There are two reasons for doing this which I'd rather not go into. This step will be repeated a few more times. If you're unsure of how, now is the time to figure it out. Don't bother updating the devices you don't need until the final change.
5. As soon as you can after the previous step, change the locks on all doors. Change all locks on the same day. Do not let anyone at all know of your plans to perform this step. Avoid discussing it out loud or at home or on the phone or in your vehicle.
There are two ways to obtain new hardware. At a store or online. If you purchase hardware online, use a computer that you normally would never use. Create a new account first. If the pw in your life is not someone from work, do it at work. Be careful though, the pw I knew was adept at obtaining keys. If you can't find a computer, use your phone if possible. (You did change the wifi pwd, didn't you?) Keep the password on your phone if you need to write it down and make it different from others you've used on the past.
Try to be present when the hardware arrives. Try to change all locks on that day or as soon as possible upon receipt/purchase. If not, don't open the package until the day you're ready. When you're ready, Even if no one is around, hold the new key in such a way that the numbering is hidden from view. Replace all locks on the same day. Do not leave the house in between replacing one door's lock then the next. Do not wait overnight to do the next one. If you must leave or wait until the next day, seal up the hardware and take it with you or keep it with you at night. At the very least, keep the new keys with you, always keeping numbers hidden from view.
Shred receipts or delete the order confirmation email after the hardware arrives.
Later, use a dremel tool or other metallic tool to scrape the number off the key.
Congratulations! Your house is now secure. Do not give the keys to anyone unless you absolutely have to. Not even your parents who live seven hours away. This can be impractical so if you must give away copies, wait until you complete the next steps.
Never lock your house keys in your car again if you ever did. Keep them on you or visible at all times. Do not leave your keys unattended for even several seconds nor hand your keychain over to anyone who forgot a key.
Shred receipts or delete the order confirmation email after the hardware arrives.
Later, use a dremel tool or other metallic tool to scrape the number off the key.
Congratulations! Your house is now secure. Do not give the keys to anyone unless you absolutely have to. Not even your parents who live seven hours away. This can be impractical so if you must give away copies, wait until you complete the next steps.
Never lock your house keys in your car again if you ever did. Keep them on you or visible at all times. Do not leave your keys unattended for even several seconds nor hand your keychain over to anyone who forgot a key.
If you work with the pw, replace the locks there too. You might consider doing this anyway. Before replacing locks, scrape the numbers off both locks and keys.
6. Now that your house is secure, any objects that were brought into it are now trapped inside.
Verify that no keyloggers are on your computer. It would be wise to replace your keyboard and mouse at least temporarily with new wired ones. Ensure there is nothing plugged into any ports on your computer other that what you expect to be there. Google keyloggers to see what they look like.
Verify that no keyloggers are on your computer. It would be wise to replace your keyboard and mouse at least temporarily with new wired ones. Ensure there is nothing plugged into any ports on your computer other that what you expect to be there. Google keyloggers to see what they look like.
Google what spy devices and recorders look like. Carefully look around your house for these. It may be wise to replace or at least unplug adapters.
Perform this step after rather than before changing the locks because if you find evidence, the pw will know all about it. And if pw has the key to your house, well who knows how that will turn out if they can't make the evidence disappear?
If you think you saw one of the above, before removing it, photograph it in the location it was in from several angles or with measurements. File a police report and have a professional inspect it. Like your keys, keep it with you to prevent it from disappearing.
If you think you saw one of the above, before removing it, photograph it in the location it was in from several angles or with measurements. File a police report and have a professional inspect it. Like your keys, keep it with you to prevent it from disappearing.
7. If you are convinced there are such devices in your house but can't find them, your goal should be to try to fill them with useless data or make it time consuming for the pw to keep tabs on you. A camera should be visible to you. However, to fill this type, you could project changing lights into large areas. Target sells these at Xmas. Flashing lights in areas that someone could be monitoring might help. The good news is there are a lot of options that have nice ambiance. For sound, some devices are voice triggered. You can leave the tv/radio/other on. If you're up to it, record a few minutes worth of a talk show. During the recording, aim for loud obnoxious body emissions. Whenever you leave the room, turn on the recording. Listening to this over and over will drive the pw crazy. It thrives on novelty.
8. Change your wifi password again now that your house is secure. That is, don't count on anything in your house having been secure if your house wasn't. You could also complete step 9 first.
9. If you were thinking of getting a new computer, now is the time. If not, it's best to back up your data, reformat your hard drive and do a clean install. Tedious. It would also be smart to find software that looks at the boot partition to ensure nothing unexpected is in it. I believe this is an important step. At the very least, look for programs you did not put there. Another blogger had recommended changing your ISP and requesting a new IP address. These are all good ideas.
10. Change your wifi pwd again after reformatting your hard drive or if you purchased a new computer. This is the final wifi change. You can now update all devices.
11. Change your password and security questions on all email accounts.
12. Create all new email accounts and start using those. Do not send anything from an old account to a new one. If you must transfer information, save it from the old account, log into the new account then send as attachment.
13. Now update existing bank or other accounts with your new email. Try to perform steps 12 and 13 on the same day.
14. If you didn't wipe your hard drive, don't use a password manager. Use a combination lock on a password book or keep passwords on your phone - which you're keeping always with you. Right? Again, ideally, your phone should be new. If not, at least a factory reset would be a good idea. You could also try a password manager. Chances are you'll find out if it doesn't work.
15. If you ever had the impression pw knew too much about your whereabouts, inspect your car for GPS trackers or have a professional do it. Ensure nothing's plugged into the diagnostic port. If something is, have someone familiar with GPS trackers figure out what it is. Don't just toss anything unusual that comes into your private space without photographing, figuring out what it is or taking it apart. Take pictures at the very least of where it is prior to removal, then additional close ups.
16. Now let's really secure your home. Purchase cameras to cover your doors. Have one capture minimal footage of your door opening and closing. You will want one to catch the face. I absolutely do not recommend wireless cameras. They are not secure and can away give more about you than pw was getting in the first place. I recommend a trail camera that can be padlocked to something. The SD card will be inaccessible when locked. If someone wants to interfere it'll be obvious and this is reportable. Before you deploy these, take snapshots of the serial number and or draw inside or handwrite something. Take snapshots. If they disappear or the numbers change, you have physical evidence and serial numbers if they turn up elsewhere. Write lock combinations in your phone. Avoid keyed locks.
16a. Consider surveillance devices for your vehicle.
With all surveillance devices, find out what the laws are for your state and locality before setting them up.
Now that you've completed these steps, if you need to give out key copies, this is the better time to do it.
With all surveillance devices, find out what the laws are for your state and locality before setting them up.
Now that you've completed these steps, if you need to give out key copies, this is the better time to do it.
17. File reports with law enforcement if you think someone had your keys.
18. Document everything you believe has happened (including to others) and will happen and why. You've probably reasoned this through from past history. If you haven't yet taken the time to think this through logically and put together a coherent report, now is the time to do it.
19. Discuss what's going on in in your life with people close to you that you trust. Be prepared though. It may come as a huge shock and disappointment if the people closest to you, instead of believing you, doubt your sanity or mental state or mental health. More on this in the symptoms section.
Archive the document you wrote in 18. on CD along with any photographic evidence or videos and mail these off to more than one of your trusted peoples. Do not tell anyone else you're doing this. Let them know that in the event something suspicious occurs to you, to take this to law enforcement. Keep updating your document as more occurs and mail it off every so often.
An even better alternative would be to talk to a lawyer. Provide as much identifying information as you can regarding the suspect and your suspicions. They should be legally bound by confidentiality laws. In the event something should happen to you, the files will become available to law enforcement.
Archive the document you wrote in 18. on CD along with any photographic evidence or videos and mail these off to more than one of your trusted peoples. Do not tell anyone else you're doing this. Let them know that in the event something suspicious occurs to you, to take this to law enforcement. Keep updating your document as more occurs and mail it off every so often.
An even better alternative would be to talk to a lawyer. Provide as much identifying information as you can regarding the suspect and your suspicions. They should be legally bound by confidentiality laws. In the event something should happen to you, the files will become available to law enforcement.
20. Now you can explicitly cut off the pw. Document this if you did it in person. Follow it up in email or text so you can have it in writing. Save the email or take pictures or screen shots of texts.
If you suspect you'll be threatened, find a way to record it.
Thereafter, document all communications. By document, I don't mean write it down, but obtain physical evidence of the conversations or one way messages.
Don't be drawn back in. Let pw know in clear terms it's over.
At this point, if you were expecting the harassment to begin (which is why you're on this website anyway?), it will. You should however now have in place the capability to gather evidence of harassment in all the places you expect it to occur. Be aware that stalking and harassment tend to begin in earnest (begin isn't the best choice of words... but you get the drift) after a tell off.
If you suspect you'll be threatened, find a way to record it.
Thereafter, document all communications. By document, I don't mean write it down, but obtain physical evidence of the conversations or one way messages.
Don't be drawn back in. Let pw know in clear terms it's over.
At this point, if you were expecting the harassment to begin (which is why you're on this website anyway?), it will. You should however now have in place the capability to gather evidence of harassment in all the places you expect it to occur. Be aware that stalking and harassment tend to begin in earnest (begin isn't the best choice of words... but you get the drift) after a tell off.
21. It's possible that the pw will leave you alone. The only way you can be certain of that though is if pw is incarcerated or dead. With your home and various spaces secure from entry and covered by surveillance, you can now begin to provoke the pw into doing something so you can obtain evidence. You've known the pw for a while so you know what to do. (Be sure to photograph the surveillance devices you've deployed along with any identifying information on them such as SNs.) Note where each is located.
My best to you in your efforts!
